I haven't written for ages mainly because I'd forgotten my password. Now I've remembered, I'm going to keep writing. In 2005, I got a new job but now in 2006 I find myself unemployed and a little bit lost but I'm hoping that I can find my path again. This morning I signed on, and I couldn't believe how friendly they were. And it was nice to get up before eleven.
After the jobcentre, I wandered down Leith Walk and went into a new Polish delicatessen. One of my best friends in the states is Polish so I went in to say hello to her through the medium of food. I saw the Perogi but I didn't have enough money so I got a bag of 'Chipsy' instead - paprika flavoured crisps. I felt obliged to buy something as I had wandered around the shop for around ten minutes. I'm getting more and more like my mother. She feels bad that her local Somerfield is not doing well, and will go to make 'it' and her feel better!
I carried on down the street and made a mental note that I should get up at 7am every day, as there is so much to do - especially when I'm off. When I was working all I could think about was my wasted days in the office (well not so wasted as I enjoyed the company of people around me) but now I'm wasting my time hanging indoors, feeling mopey and angry! Enough of this! I declare the rut is over!
I also know I have to get over my unrequited love. I am lovesick and it's time to realise that I am not going to find a man until I actually choose someone is available. This means actually talking to a guy in a club - not just staring and daydreaming. Now I'm getting self-obsessed but I guess that's the whole point of having a crush. You're in love with your own idea of love, not the person. You can't get rejected because of your personality, but because they are straight or in a couple. It's time to realise that rejection is not bad, or that it makes you a bad person. I'm beginning to realise that it's time to accept myself as I am, and stop trying to be perfect. The straight guys I know seem to be able to do this, and are more tolerant of others.
I carried on down the street and made a mental note that I should get up at 7am every day, as there is so much to do - especially when I'm off. When I was working all I could think about was my wasted days in the office (well not so wasted as I enjoyed the company of people around me) but now I'm wasting my time hanging indoors, feeling mopey and angry! Enough of this! I declare the rut is over!
I also know I have to get over my unrequited love. I am lovesick and it's time to realise that I am not going to find a man until I actually choose someone is available. This means actually talking to a guy in a club - not just staring and daydreaming. Now I'm getting self-obsessed but I guess that's the whole point of having a crush. You're in love with your own idea of love, not the person. You can't get rejected because of your personality, but because they are straight or in a couple. It's time to realise that rejection is not bad, or that it makes you a bad person. I'm beginning to realise that it's time to accept myself as I am, and stop trying to be perfect. The straight guys I know seem to be able to do this, and are more tolerant of others.
I've been reading a lot of Trash Addict's blogs - he always makes me laugh. I emailed him a few years back and said something inane like 'I love your blog'. (I think he's right not to talk about friends - I'm tempted but it seems unfair to them and me. ) I'm intrigued by comatose and I've just logged on to High Camp caress Morrell - very funny and as bitchy as he says he is. I need to work out how this link thing works as that's one of the best things about blogs.
Right, off to do a job application form. Fun is not the word.
1 comment:
You're very kind. I love your blog too.
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