I had just got back from shopping and was sitting on the sofa where I caught a glimpse of a light brown furry thing moving along the skirting board. In a loud voice I said ‘Excuse Me! And the mouse promptly ran down a small hole around the radiator pipe.
Urgh. I have had furry visitors before, but I haven’t seen one in about 18 months. I shouldn’t be surprised as over the last few nights I have been hearing strange tip tappy noises coming from the kitchen.
Anyway, after I saw the mouse I went into the kitchen, there on one of the surfaces were two mouse droppings and a single flake of Special K. I cleaned up with antibacterial spray and sheets, then I washed my hands about three times. As a kid I suffered from OCD quite badly, so it trigged a bit of the old behaviour. Anyway after having a nap of about three hours, I went back into the kitchen. I heard a funny noise coming from the kitchen cupboard - a banging and a rustling.
I opened the cupboard and began to gingerly move stuff out, first of all some beluga wheat, then a tin of tomatoes, and then a mouse falling down onto the oven. I screamed the highest pitched scream, (I have deafened a few of the gay dogs in the neighbourhood) as the mouse did a kind of half pike fall and then struggled down between the very small gap between the oven and counter. I immediately telephoned my Dad (not only am I a Mummy’s boy but I’m a big Daddy’s girl too) but there was no response.
In my mild panic, I kept thinking do other people have mice? Do bloggers have mice? I can’t imagine Reluctant nomad having these kind of visitors, or Rhino 75 or Lubin. (But now I am thinking about what type of mouse would they have? Reluctant Nomad’s mouse would obviously be travelling but leaving a trail of breadcrumbs, Rhino 75 reading Sartre, and Lubin’s watching Bad Girls whilst flicking through ‘Cultural Review’.
The next few days came more visitations. I heard Mr. Mouse behind the oven squeaking, I found that the wrapper from a bottle of oil had been eaten, and that the Microwave had been thoroughly investigated. This mouse is easily more adventurous than the last one, and as I have said, more vocal. I believe he or she is a rookie mouse, just learning their way in mousedom, and bloody shitting all the way!
My mother on the other hand thinks the mouse is cute – I am convinced that she thinks the mouse wears white gloves and trousers with two buttons on them. Anyway, I’ve put poison down and Mr. Mouse seems to have disappeared. I’m hoping he’s gone to the flat across from me. I heard them shagging in the shower (the ‘what are you doing here?', the giggles, and then the creepy silence) – it put me right off my toilet reading of the Argos catalogue, I can tell you.
Urgh. I have had furry visitors before, but I haven’t seen one in about 18 months. I shouldn’t be surprised as over the last few nights I have been hearing strange tip tappy noises coming from the kitchen.
Anyway, after I saw the mouse I went into the kitchen, there on one of the surfaces were two mouse droppings and a single flake of Special K. I cleaned up with antibacterial spray and sheets, then I washed my hands about three times. As a kid I suffered from OCD quite badly, so it trigged a bit of the old behaviour. Anyway after having a nap of about three hours, I went back into the kitchen. I heard a funny noise coming from the kitchen cupboard - a banging and a rustling.
I opened the cupboard and began to gingerly move stuff out, first of all some beluga wheat, then a tin of tomatoes, and then a mouse falling down onto the oven. I screamed the highest pitched scream, (I have deafened a few of the gay dogs in the neighbourhood) as the mouse did a kind of half pike fall and then struggled down between the very small gap between the oven and counter. I immediately telephoned my Dad (not only am I a Mummy’s boy but I’m a big Daddy’s girl too) but there was no response.
In my mild panic, I kept thinking do other people have mice? Do bloggers have mice? I can’t imagine Reluctant nomad having these kind of visitors, or Rhino 75 or Lubin. (But now I am thinking about what type of mouse would they have? Reluctant Nomad’s mouse would obviously be travelling but leaving a trail of breadcrumbs, Rhino 75 reading Sartre, and Lubin’s watching Bad Girls whilst flicking through ‘Cultural Review’.
The next few days came more visitations. I heard Mr. Mouse behind the oven squeaking, I found that the wrapper from a bottle of oil had been eaten, and that the Microwave had been thoroughly investigated. This mouse is easily more adventurous than the last one, and as I have said, more vocal. I believe he or she is a rookie mouse, just learning their way in mousedom, and bloody shitting all the way!
My mother on the other hand thinks the mouse is cute – I am convinced that she thinks the mouse wears white gloves and trousers with two buttons on them. Anyway, I’ve put poison down and Mr. Mouse seems to have disappeared. I’m hoping he’s gone to the flat across from me. I heard them shagging in the shower (the ‘what are you doing here?', the giggles, and then the creepy silence) – it put me right off my toilet reading of the Argos catalogue, I can tell you.
5 comments:
HaHa!! I SO know this problem. For me, it came to light when my Mum was staying with me - she spent all night being "taunted" by a mouse. None of us got any sleep that night as every 20 minutes or so, my Mum would clap her hands loudly and squeal, if she thought mousey was getting nearer. She made me change her ticket so she could return home the following day. I tried various things - mouse napalm (VERY uneffective), sticky traps (effective but they take days to die, screaming at you as you eat your cornflakes etc.) Then eventually, the mouse guy said "You know, you live in an 18th century building, across the way from a restaurant - the only way you're NOT going to have mice is if you get a cat." And that is when the entered my life...
My flat is the perfect abode for a whole tribe of mice. It hasn't been hoovered since July and there is a horrid little pile rug under the glass coffee table that I eat and drink off. There is a whole Tesco's worth of breadcrumbs there that will keep mice, rats, cockroaches thinking it's Xmas all year!
Mice are ok and I would never kill them but I must tell people about the traumatic experience I had drowning a mole.
Btw, the decor and furniture in my flat has nothing to do with me!!!!! It's fully furnished with grey 'tasteful' stuff that I don't really like. Should you ever start feeling kindly towards that mouse, let me know and I'll mail you that rug.
I've had enough of the mouse! NEXT!!
Ed, are you ever going to post again?
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